So Saturday December 3 2011 I was in the kitchen making lunch for Jordan when I get a call from Kathleen. You know mom is in the hospital right?? she is? yea she went to camp pendleton friday night and was transferred down to balboa. Her kidneys are in renal failure.
I call dad and he starts crying telling me mom doesnt look good.
Kathleen gets to the hospital and then tells me what is really going on. The doctors think mom has Multiple Myeloma. Thankfully my computer was open so I googled it instantly. cancer from the bone marrow into the blood. GREAT! I read more only if its caught in the early stages is it possible for curing it. But it doesnt seem from my reading that moms case is in the early stages.
I only cry a little bit from dad being emotional and a bit with erin for a second. Then later that night I start to break down. Everythings coming in... thinking about who am I going to call everyday. I wont see my mom anymore. My kids wont know their grandma "mama" as Jordan calls her.
Tyson gets the brunt of all this. I cry off and on thinking of everything. Where is mom going to be buried. Whats going to happen to dad. I am devastated.
And of course the could of, would of, should of start coming into my head too.
Of course we believe in life after death and that its all part of the plan. But when its your own mother who is potentially staring into the eyes of her maker, its a bit different. We are selfish and want them to be apart of lives always.
I feel like my body is trying to process it for me. I can tell that its affecting me more than one way. I am more tired, the house is not really the way I try to keep it and I don't have motivation to change it. But thankfully I still want to kiss and hug my children.
I am still yo yo ing. Im fine for awhile but then a thought comes into my head and I start reeling. I think I am in the denial phase right now which has put me in a numb state of mind. Probably because we are waiting for the official diagnosis to come back.
I can't call mom the way I used to because I don't know if she is sleeping and am trying not to bother her too much.
However I am learning things about the after life that I never really gave much thought too. I've realized that I need to STUDY my scriptures and not just read them. I am thankful for my family and how tight knit we all are and how each person takes care of an emotion that maybe the other doesn't describe as well. How grateful I am for the atonement that allows us to return to live with our Heavenly Father. That there is a specific plan for all of us. That though I will miss my mom terribly I am also grateful for all the things I will learn and be better for because of her death.
As my sister Suzanne keeps saying...."we are OUR mothers daughters...the traditions she made continue with us."
THe idea of death is very different when it involves an immediate family member. More so your parents. THey are supposed to be there for you till you are old as well.
"May each of us treasure this truth: One cannot forget mother and remember God. One cannot remember mother and forget God. Why? Because these two sacred persons, God and mother, partners in creation, in love, in sacrifice, in service, are as one.
President Thomas S. Monson from the talk "Behold Thy Mother"
My favorite quote from this movie..."our son got called back to his Heavenly Father"
The Black Family
4 months ago




























